Тема: # Новлидж оф Инглиш стриктли рекоммендед.

[Музыка›]

-What are you doing, Jenny? You've been sitting quietly at your desk all morning.
-I'm drawning a picture of a cow eating grass, Miss.
-Where's the cow? Where's the grass?I can't see anything!
-Well, the cow has gone home, Miss, because there isn't any more grass!




               

               

[Снорри›]

HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

               

               

[Шана›]

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk.A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?

" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over."

That's not so bad,what's the big deal?"
The farmer says "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened?" the man asked again. The farmer relenting, continued "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over." "Again?"

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." " So, what did you do then?" the man asked, intrigued. "I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked
over the bucket with her tail." "Wow, you must have been pretty upset!" but that's no reason to just sit here getting all depressed."

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So then what else did you do?" the man asked again. " Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That's when my pants fell down and my wife walked in.
"Some things you just can't explain."  

               

               

[Heisa›]

компьютерно -медитативно (http://bash.org/?top). забавная ссылочка.

               

               

[Чеширский Хомяк (ex Kusanariel)›]

How would Russian chastushki sound in English?

Рыбка плавает в томате,
Ей в томате хорошо,
Только я, едрена матерь,
Места в жизни не нашел.

Fish in thick tomato sauce
Swims in happy comatose
Only me, pathetic wimp
Have no fucking place to swim.


По реке плывет топор
из села Чугуева,
Ну и пусть себе плывет
железяка х*ева...

Down the river drifts an axe
From the town of Byron.
Let it float by itself-
Fucking piece of iron!!!


Меня девки с собой звали, а я с ними не пошел -
Пиджачишко на мне рваный и х*ишко небольшой.

Girls have called me to the party - I decided not to come,
It's because my clothes are ugly and my dick is a tiny one.


Я лежала с Коленькой совершенно голенькой,
Потому что для красы я сняла с себя трусы.

I was sleeping with my honey absolutely naked,
I have taken my panties off just to make a statement.


С неба звездочка упала
Прямо милому в штаны,
Пусть горит там, что попало,
Лишь бы не было войны.

Starlet's fallen from the heavens
Right into my boyfriend's briefs,
I don't mind his roasted penis
If it helps us live in peace.